Lonely Days and Gratitude Cake
by Robotic Fox
Summary: Tsugaru didn't know who he had expected to come to his door. After all, he advertised around Ikebukuro that he was searching for a housemate... and the city holds some strange people. Who knew what kind of strange people he would encounter. But he certainly hadn't expected to find a bubbly little singer at his door offering him "Gratitude Cake". Psyche/Tsugaru.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara! nor will I ever. **

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The morning Tsugaru walked outside to his outdoor garden could only be described as soft. Golden fingers of the sun were only slightly visible through the cracks of the trees, beaming down patches of gold onto the dirt brown ground. There was a soft gurgle from the little pond that held all of his koi fish off in the distance, reminding Tsugaru that he needed to feed them later. Over that, he could here the more repetitive and concise sounds of insects milling around all of his flowers that happened to grow in the garden. He had never cared about gardening, even now, but he always worked to keep the things luscious and alive as the view would always prove gorgeous, especially during the spring.

The spring air was lukewarm, having a good balance of warmth stored within it's properties, but yet it still held a breath of coolness to it, reminding Tsugaru of the cold winter that had just passed by just recently. It had been a rough and chilly one, but the scene in front of him was a beautiful award in his mind for the people of Ikebukuro enduring it.

Nothing came with hard extremes. Nature just seemed to be relaxed, and Tsugaru enjoyed it. Everything seemed to happen in such a rush for him nowadays. It seemed like just one moment ago, he'd been living in the old manor house with Sakuraya and his staff, enjoying life before deciding to be independent and move to Ikebukuro to make a living of his own. His whole life, he had stayed in that mansion, after Sakuraya's parents had adopted him when he had been seven years old.

He wasn't going to go into some stereotypical speech about how Sakuraya's parents had been typical snooty rich people and how they had only adopted him too look good because that wasn't true. Sakuraya's family, despite having adopted a lot of refugee kids in need, were kind and loving people. They had treated him good and Tsugaru had no trouble getting along with the other kids. He had been distant to all of them at first, but Sakuraya, who he still viewed as his real brother, had brought him out of his shell.

Even though all of his other "siblings" had certainly help him come out of his paranoid and cautious shell in their own ways by adding him into their group, Sakuraya had always stood out to him. He stood out so much that he referred to everything about the house as Sakuraya's… even when the raven had confessed to him that he really shouldn't. Sakuraya hated being put on the spot.

Tsugaru had always admired Sakuraya for so many different reasons. The raven had probably been the most patient person he'd ever met. He never seemed to get jealous of the many other kids and actually helped them out whenever he could, especially when they were quarreling. He had always shined positive light on Tsugaru when he needed it and had always been kind. Whenever he had found Sakuraya in a depressed state (which was a rare occasion), he had never been self-pitying himself. He'd been piteous to the world. He pitied how people treated one another and how cruel the overall world could be. How little life in general had meant to some people.

Tsugaru had been overwhelmed by this at first. Though the memory was vague and distant as he had been young at the time, life on the streets had been extreme. No one cared about each others lives, they only cared about their own. It was a dog-eat-dog, survival of the fittest kind of environment. Immoral morals were practiced with grace. Shootings and death had not been an uncommon sight to Tsugaru in those days. He'd gotten used to seeing the glazed looks of the kids and other people and animals who hadn't been lucky enough to make it out of the way. He'd soon come to realize not all of them had just been shot… some simply died of illness or malnutrition. Even being a scrawny, skinny kid himself, he'd managed to be lucky enough to be as clever as he was.

Even when the adoption agency who'd tugged him out of the streets had described him to his new parents, the woman at the front had said, "He's seen a lot more than most children have seen in their lives."

Stealing had probably been the first activity Tsugaru's parents had taught him when he was out there before they eventually left one day. He had been quite skillful at it too. Wait for a distraction, and then slip away, quietly. Don't draw attention towards yourself and never make that much of a show. Act natural.

He remembered the first day at the manor he'd been too paranoid to eat with the rest of the family and had simply excused himself by claiming he was not hungry. He was not used to such kindness. That had never been granted to him. Even the Adoption Agency and the other kids during the short amount of time he'd stayed there had treated him with more or less indifference.

The owners of the house (that's always what he referred to them as. They were nice people but they never felt like a real "Mom" or "Dad") had gave worrying and concerned looks but let him do as he pleased. In all actuality, he had been starving. He had almost gotten desperate enough to vocalize it aloud, but his paranoia had won out. He also figured it was too late at that point and had simply opted not to ask at all, even despite the pangs.

But that night, his stomach had cramped so bad. Even on the streets, he'd been quite the bountiful stealer and managed to steal something. Even the littlest scraps of chicken he found discarded on the road would satisfy his stomach. He didn't need anything big. He had always managed to eat something… even if that something wasn't the best of things to be consuming. But that whole day, he had had nothing to eat and he was paying the price for it.

Soon, he'd turned desperate. That's what the human body always resorted too when you were hungry. You grew desperate. You were willing to do anything if you knew you could get food out of it. You were willing to eat anything. People on the streets who'd once been rich business men would stoop as low as to dig around in the garbage for scraps of food while others opted to eat rats if they could catch one.

And at that point, he was willing to do something risky just to grab a hold of some kind of food. So, he had waited until everyone had to go to bed, being in the bedroom with the rest of the boys. He had patiently waited through the story the maid had read to the littler kids before flicking off the lights. He had then waited until all of the kids (even the snickering older kids who wanted to stay up a little later talking to one another) had all fallen asleep until he finally braved going down, applauding himself for his patience. Even when you were hungry, you had to learn to be patient. A meal wasn't always going to plop onto your lap in a moment. Sometimes, you had to learn to wait.

Creeping past the sleeping boys, he'd slowly made his way downstairs, making sure none of the maids and butlers would walk past. His movements were silent like a cats, his eyes already adjusted to the darkness. He had been paranoid for a while when he was creeping through the unfamiliar pathway of his new home that there were hidden cameras and that the owners of the house would come and carry him off and maybe scold him, sending him to bed without so much as a snack.

But over time, he'd eventually relaxed. He'd gotten lost a couple of times trying to navigate his way around the house, which would've given the owners an ample amount of time too grab him before he caused any sorts of mayhem. He eventually saw all the adults laughing together while enjoying some wine, all swapping stories whilst trying to talk over one another. Tsugaru practically jumped at his stroke of luck.

After a while, he'd finally managed to find his way over too the kitchen again. It was stark empty. He could smell the cleaning materials the maid had washed the floor with and had guessed that he'd another stroke of luck to avoid having to wait for her. He'd seen where the cabinet of food was before exiting the kitchen as the maid had scolded one of the littler kids about trying to snatch food. He hadn't seen the contents inside, but he was willing to eat anything at that point.

His heart had been pounding in his chest as he opened the door just a crack to make sure it didn't creak and he slipped inside, his skinny frame allowing such access to be a little easier. He left it open a crack too as there was no door knob on the other side of the door. He felt a little nervous doing that, but he presumed he had no choice after all.

Flicking on the light switch of the cupboard, his eyes had widened at the sight of everything in his ways. Stacks and stacks of all kinds of different food were all neatly aligned in the shelves of the cupboard, all of them in different types of containers. Cans, bags, and other food containers all held goodies waiting for him and their was so much variety. He'd felt like he had just walked into a miniature version of a grocery store. His stomach practically was doing somersaults of joy at the sight of the bounty in front of him. He'd never even known this much food existed. He momentarily wondered what in the world there fridge must look like.

Greediness and hunger took over and Tsugaru didn't hesitate to oblige to its needs. He had been patient enough. It was time he got his award. Grabbing one of the many bag of chips, he hurriedly popped open the bag and greedily stuffed the chips all into his mouth in messy handfuls, not caring about the crumbs and smaller chips that slipped from his fingers onto the ground. His tongue relinquished in the barbeque taste of the chips, how addicting the sweet taste was. His stomach grew more ravenous at food finally landing in his stomach and for once, his true hunger showed its true colors in every ugly shade. Once he had emptied that bag, he dropped the empty thing onto the floor and went for the next item, a can of peaches.

Expertly opening the can lid by himself (one of the handy tricks you learned to do when living in the streets) he scooped up the peaches inside with his bare hands, once more enjoying the sweet taste being emitted off of them, sucking the juice hungrily through his fingers. His stomach seemed to scream with pleasure as he ate them all, uncaring for the stray beads of juice slipping onto his clothes and arms, leaving sticky trails behind. He just licked those off too. Once the peaches were gone, he downed the whole container of the remaining juice inside, making sure he got every last drop. He wasn't going to be wasteful like he'd been with the chips.

Once that was done, he spiked the can down and grabbed some Animal Crackers, ripping open the top of the container with his fingers. He munched on every single last one of them, one by one, savoring in the taste. He'd always wanted to try these, but they were always kept in the front of the store near the shopkeeper's cash register, so he couldn't. He had been missing out on a lot from what he could tell, but maybe that was just his hunger talking.

Hunger seemed to make even the nastiest things seem like the most delectable meals ever. It had a mind of its own hunger. It could make you dumber, more animalistic. It could control your thoughts, control your being. It was a lone operator that had a mind of its own, and if you didn't sate it right then… it would work until you gave in to what it wanted.

He was half-way through the box of cookies when suddenly a voice said, "Hey…New Kid…what are you doing here!?"

Whirling around, Tsugaru was greeted by the face of another seven year old, a kid who went by the name of Takeshi. Takeshi's face showed utter confusion, the brunette's mouth agape. Tsugaru couldn't really blame him. He had presumably tracked Tsugaru down when he had went downstairs (how Tsugaru hadn't noticed him he would never know) and had watched him wolf down all the food like some kind of animal. In fact, standing there frozen with fear with a bunch of empty food containers surrounding him, he probably looked like a raccoon who'd just been caught trying to steal the goodies from kitchen.

He'd tensed. He'd wanted to explain himself, wanted to explain the situation to Takeshi. But his mouth wouldn't move. His tongue refused to work with him, as if it wanted him to get in trouble. Suddenly, guilt swept through Tsugaru. He didn't know why it happened. He'd stolen plenty of times before. He'd stolen from much, much more poorer people than the owners of this house without a single shred of remorse. But he did now for some reason. Maybe it was the fact that he'd been caught… maybe it all finally came onto him what he was doing, but it had happened.

"Your not allowed to do that!" Takeshi had squalled out like a parrot suddenly, throwing an accusing finger at Tsugaru. Before a now distressed Tsugaru could get a word in, Takeshi had whirled around and shouted, "Moooooooom!~"

So Tsugaru had done what he had thought was necessary at the time. He'd seen other thieves do it to people who ratted on the street all the time. Grabbing Takeshi by the back of his shirt, Tsugaru whirled the surprised boy around. With clenched teeth, he felt is fist collide hard against Takeshi's nose, a crack reverberating around the room.

Takeshi had been downed in a moment. The kid grabbed his bleeding and broken nose, howling like a demon into the night, tears streaming down his face. Tsugaru had been stunned, paralyzed in fact. Horror crept through him. He hadn't meant to do that. He hadn't. He had reacted though. It was a reflex move. He wanted for it to all be over. He wanted Takeshi to shut up. He wished he never came to this stupid house to begin with. He wish he had been back on the streets again.

He covered his ears as guilt swarmed him, his head pounding, stomach cramping once more.

Footsteps were coming in the distance. Tsugaru knew he couldn't escape undetected. Besides, Takeshi, once he was calm enough to speak would tell it was all him. He just clenched his fists, closed his eyes, clenched his teeth, and looked down, shame burning through him.

"What's happening here - oh my God!" Tsugaru heard the female owner of the house shriek at the bloody messy sight in front of her. Takeshi was still wailing and howling and flailing on the ground, his nose producing a lot more blood than Tsugaru had originally thought it would.

Cracking his eyes a little, he saw all sorts of commotions. One of the older maids had her hand clapped to her mouth in shock while the other men and woman argued what to do. The female owner of the house was stooped near a wailing Takeshi, trying to fruitlessly comfort him. Kids who'd once been asleep curiously made their ways downstairs to see what all the commotion was about, eyes widening in shock when they saw the state Takeshi was in.

"Tsugaru?" the female owner of the house questioned worriedly, gazing at him with worried hazel-green eyes. This was it, he thought. They were going to send him back to the Adoption Agency because he'd beaten a kid up. He deserved it too. He'd deserved it. They probably saw him as crazy and disturbed now… beyond redemption.

Tears welled in his eyes and slid down his cheeks. Before anyone could say anything else, Tsugaru felt his stomach lurch and kneeled over on the ground, emptying the contents of his stomach out immediately. All of the food he had stuffed inside his mouth earlier was now being dumped out on the floor in front of him and it did not taste as good coming up as it did going in.

The tears were now cascading down at this point, fat and heavy. Sobs wracked his shoulders and nearly choked him. It had been a long time since he'd last cried. He tried to stop. He didn't want to look even more pathetic. Like even more of a wreck. But the tears wouldn't stop.

Tsugaru had practically frozen when he felt a hand rest calmingly on his shoulder blade, nearly slapping it away out of instinct. Looking up he saw the face of Sakuraya (he hadn't known his name at the time) looking sympathetically down at him, rubbing calming circles onto his back. They didn't stop the tears, but Tsugaru enjoyed the comfort, if only a little.

"Sakuraya… take Tsugaru to the nurse…" the female owner of the house said and Sakuraya agreed. Sakuraya had offered Tsugaru a hand, which Tsugaru had accepted gratefully. Sakuraya had hoisted him up and, still gripping Tsugaru's hand, had tugged him out of all the chaos, Tsugaru making sure to keep his gaze glued to the ground. He could still hear Takeshi's squalls behind them.

As they walked along, side by side, hand by hand, the two of them had remained completely silent for a few moments, Sakuraya not asking a single question, which Tsugaru had been grateful for at first… but over time, the silence was starting to infuriate Tsugaru.

"They're going to send me back to the Adoption Agency…" Tsugaru muttered aloud. Even though he had already exclaimed this comment in his mind and had agreed, he wanted to hear Sakuraya's input of that opinion. He wanted to get reassurance. Someone to back up his claim.

Sakuraya had instantly waved his hand and said, "They won't send you back. Trust me, if they sent any of us back for fights… there wouldn't be as many kids running around here as there are…"

Tsugaru had blinked his aqua-blue eyes at that, surprised. He had been anticipating Sakuraya nodding in agreement and saying words of comfort. Definitely not that. But even with the raven's assurance, he did what everyone did in these situations. Denied.

"They'll make the exception this time. I just broke a kid's nose…" Tsugaru mumbled out incoherently, his pace slowing a little as a wave of depression hit him. "I deserve it anyway."

Sakuraya didn't seem phased at all by his pessimism. In fact, he was entirely too calm about it for Tsugaru's liking. Waving an airy hand, Sakuraya had simply put stated, "Nah… Mom and Dad aren't that mean. You might get scolded for hurting Takeshi and eating all of that food… and the maids might be annoyed having clean up the mess… but other than that, you should be fine. You should apologize to Takeshi though. Plus… as mother and father always say… you learn a lesson with every punishment. I would insist learning that lesson."

Tsugaru had gaped at him in shock at the time. What kid talked like this? Certainly not the street kids he'd see wandering around like ally cats back in the old days. This kid talked like a miniature adult. Even his voice didn't seem to have a natural pitch that most kids had. He sounded soft-spoken and delicate. Like his voice was a more audible whisper. Even the fluid way the kid moved was strange to him. He didn't skip or bounce or even step normally… he seemed to silently and delicately move. His motions were flawless and seemed very surefooted, but careful as well. He wasn't dressed in normal clothes like the other kids, he was adorned in a pink kimono.

Yes, Sakuraya was definitely a strange one among the crowd. Maybe that's why Tsugaru had held such high interest him in the first place.

"What's your name again?" Tsugaru asked as they had walked, already forgetting. You didn't really need to remember names on the street for long because they would always wind up dead and gone on the side of the road later.

"Sakuraya," Sakuraya had said with a smile as they continued on, not at all upset by Tsugaru forgetting his name. He almost seemed to expect it really.

"Sakuraya…" Tsugaru repeated back, before continuing on, "…why aren't you afraid of me? I mean… I just punched an innocent kid in the nose…"

Sakuraya had paused in his step and had turned towards him with a small smile and said, "Because I believe there is good in people… and I definitely see that in you Tsugaru! While I don't believe in violence myself… I understand… and I know you didn't mean too. And Momma and Poppa will understand that as well!" He then continued his gait, his step almost a little bouncier, but still regal and delicate.

Tsugaru didn't say anything to that, more or less because he didn't know what to say at all. Sakuraya and him walked down another hallway (how big was this house, if he'd been bleeding he would've bled to death by now), Sakuraya looking thoughtful besides him.

All of the sudden, Sakuraya stopped again. Tsugaru stopped himself and turned to look at Sakuraya who was giving him the biggest, brightest grin he'd ever seen. He could see gaps in the boy's teeth where he had lost baby teeth. Tsugaru looked on enviously. He had one loose tooth, but it still hadn't came loose yet.

Suddenly, the pink-kimono-clad child stuck a finger out right in front of Tsugaru's face, causing him to flinch. Once he recovered, he noticed it was pinkie that the boy was offering and Sakuraya quickly spit out, "Look…I pinkie promise that Momma and Papa won't throw you out of the house for this! And I promise no one here will hurt you! But in return… you need to promise to not pick fights with other people!"

Tsugaru had paused for a moment. He didn't know if he wanted to agree to this. Who did this kid think he was? He barely even knew him and the kid was demanding him to make some random promise. Did this weird kid think it would just be so easy to uphold that end of the promise? He didn't have to do crap for this kid. He could just tell the spoiled rich brat to take him to the infirmary right there and then.

But for some reason, the prospect of disappointing this kid seemed to hard to bear. He wanted to learn his lesson though. He knew he needed to improve on these things. It would be easy. But he could do it. He could manage it. What was it that Sakuraya had told him earlier?

Ah yeah. You learn a lesson with each punishment.

Quietly, he leaned his finger forward and wrapped his own pinkie around Sakuraya's smaller, paler, more fragile one. Not only did that one pinkie promise he made when he was seven change his whole outlook on his life… but it also earned him a new friend.

But Tsugaru wasn't seven years old anymore though. Pulling out his pipe, he quickly lit it up and took a heavy drag out of it, blowing a steady amount of smoke out after inhaling it. He watched the smoke float in the air malevolently for a few seconds before it dissipated away from his sight, a certain calmness going through him. He knew smoking wasn't the smartest life choice he could be making, but he couldn't help it. Smoking was a gateway to helping him relax. To find peace. He was already hopelessly addicted at this point.

Taking another drag, he watched as a flock of sparrows flew above his head into the sky, knowing he was tediously trying to distract himself like he'd been doing for the last year.

He wanted to distract himself from his own sense of loneliness.

Yes. That was the root of all of his problems right now wasn't it? Tsugaru, as much as he tried to deny it, felt lonely.

Ever since he had been adopted… he'd been surrounded by kids and other people. He had grown somewhat more of a social butterfly, even despite his quiet nature. He'd watched countless people come and leave that old home. All of the kids who'd been adopted had eventually grown up and moved out to start lives of their own. He and Sakuraya were the only two who stayed behind. Sakuraya because his family's riches were enough to support him and he would be the next in the line to inherit the house while Tsugaru had no where to go and his job as a writer allowed him to work at home, so he just figured settling in there.

Over time, the owners of the house had eventually died and Sakuraya had inherited the house like promised and he had carried on the social status for his parents. When he had first gotten the new position, Tsugaru thought for sure Sakuraya would change. While Sakuraya had been more busy than usual, he'd still remained the same. His demeanor was still kind and gentle. No snootiness ever seemed to reach him.

Sakuraya had kept him with open arms as well. They'd still shared tea during the afternoon and had passed and exchanged friendly words to one another in passing. Sakuraya definitely spent a lot more time with his best friend, Shitsuo, the butler who'd been a kid when Tsugaru had first met him, but Tsugaru knew Sakuraya had always left time for him and him alone to chat, even on the busiest of days.

But even with all the friendliness and having everything he needed, Tsugaru felt like he was lacking something. Independence. That was what Tsugaru had wanted at the time. He needed it in fact. Life in the temple had started to become mundane and monotonous. He felt like a bird who was trapped in a cage. He could be doing so much more… but he was being chained through here. He wanted to start his own life. He wanted to move on. He was almost feeling suffocated in a way.

So, that's exactly what he'd done. He had bought a house in Ikebukuro and had eventually broke the news to Sakuraya. Sakuraya had been a little upset, but had let him go, saying Tsugaru was allowed to come over and live there whenever he wanted. And he did. Tsugaru still visited Sakuraya at least once a month to catch up and talk. But at the time, Tsugaru had given his friend a smile and parted with a goodbye before moving into his new house.

And for the first year he'd lived in the house, he'd legitimately felt happy. His life wasn't being controlled by anyone but himself. He could do whatever he wanted. No one was controlling him. He had felt content and peaceful. Independent and free. But then… loneliness kicked in.

Years and years of being surrounded by people must of taken a much bigger toll on Tsugaru than he originally had thought. He found himself longing for company.

Friendships were harder to make than he'd first realized. Not everyone was like Sakuraya. He'd gone to many social gatherings that the city had to offer, and even though he'd made acquaintances over time, he'd never made any close relations. No one wanted to invite him anywhere and he didn't want to invite the people he'd met in return. None of them he felt that close too.

Over time, his house that had once seemed like a new life for him was becoming a cage to him like his old house had been. But this one was getting worst. He had had at least had company in his old cage. Here… he had nothing. Nothing but himself and his own thoughts.

He found himself longing for conversation, for human interaction. He wanted to find someone who he could share his food with and talk too in the morning. Someone he could hang around with. Just someone. He longed for company.

More than a few times a day, he had found himself wanting to call Sakuraya and ask him to let him live there again, but his pride wouldn't allow him to do that. He had already told Sakuraya he wanted independence. That he wanted to break free. What would it look like to come crawling back begging to live there? He would be like a dog coming back with its tail between its legs. It seemed shameful. Even with the crushing loneliness, he couldn't bring himself to ask. Call it laziness. Call it pride issues. Tsugaru couldn't even decide anymore.

But he did decide on something. Sighing, he finished up his pipe and put the metal stick into the pocket of his kimono before going outside. The sun had fully risen now and he had enough of admiring his own garden. He had a mission to do today anyway.

He quickly went back inside where he grabbed a stack of neon blue papers resting on his kitchen table, his eyes reviewing over his work. He'd printed 150 copies of the same paper within two days (having to buy new ink cartridges and such) but… he was pretty satisfied. Deciding to waste no time, he headed out to go plaster them around the city to advertise what he needed.

He was going to change his future. No longer was he going to suffer alone.

Tsugaru was searching for a housemate.

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**A/N : Critique is requested. **

**Couple of notes real quick! Sorry for this chapter being more like... Tsugaru's made up past thing. I promise it will have a point and the whole friendship with Sakuraya is relevant too... : D It will all come in full circle. Hope you enjoyed. **


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